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Nathan's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Nathan

[ website | super street ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[21 Apr 2003|10:14am]
it's definately been some time since i've last updated this thing. so much has been going on; so much fun times, yet just as much shitty. my life's so fucking cash consuming. i broke one of my rims the other day on a huge ass pot hole, and so after work i'll pulling off the 17s and adding the 14" stock ones. sometime in future i'm buying some 17" enkei rims. actually, why do i update this thing? who the fuck reads anymore? sorry i'm not cool online anymore :(
2 violent reaction

gay stock clutches [10 Apr 2003|11:10pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

GOD! after only 2 days of driving my new fucking celica, i blew the fucking clutch. on the way home from work, it died on me about a mile and half away from home. no fucking gears worked save for 1st, which i had to fucking slam at 5000 rpms to barely roll home at 2 miles per hour, and now not even first works, or maybe because it doesn't have enough power to roll over this very slight hill thingy in the street lol. only reverse works, and horribly. atleast i made it home. hopefully tomorrow or over the weekend i can put it in the shop and have a new clutch installed. i'm getting an ACT stage 2 clutch installed. the plates are carbon fiber, how sweet. and i think it comes with a lifetime warrenty. whatever, i'm extremely pissed right now.

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gay stock clutches [10 Apr 2003|10:57pm]
GOD! after only 2 days of driving my new fucking celica, i blew the fucking clutch. on the way home from work, it died on my about a mile and half away from home. no fucking gears worked save for 1st, which i had to fucking slam at 5000 rpms to barely roll home at 2 miles per hour, and now not even first works, or maybe because it doesn't have enough power to roll over this very slight hill thingy in the street lol. only reverse works, and horribly. atleast i made it home. hopefully tomorrow or over the weekend i can put it in the shop and have a new clutch installed. i'm getting an ACT stage 2 clutch installed. the plates are carbon fiber, how sweet. and i think it come with a lifetime warrenty. whatever, i'm extremely pissed right now.
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another uck you [02 Apr 2003|10:51pm]
[ mood | angry ]

i swear to god, no one better not talk to me. ever, especially so-called friends and family. i know i'm a hand full. this is why i must shun the world. it's been fun though guys, too bad it's over, eh?

1 violent reaction

fuck you [02 Apr 2003|04:38pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

how shitty. all of my friends and family "ho'd" me today. and i never want to see/speak to them again, as long as i'm alive.

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FUCK FINANCING [01 Apr 2003|05:17pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

i am so fucking fustrated now. i'm losing all patience with getting this fucking car, and my mom's being fucking retarded and like, trying to find some lamer company to finance it, when she could fucking use her bank. this is a major set back for me. i'm ready to modify this fucker and hit the streets with it.

oh, haha. wanna know something cool? lately there's this chic that's been calling me like everyday and varous hours of the night. she says she got my number from a friend and that she heard i was i nice person and cute, etc. at first i was thinking it was some girl put up to it by her loser fat friends to try and play some sort of trick, but she seems sincere. so we've been talking a lot actually. i know it sounds lame, but i wanna meet her. if i don't have my fucking car by the weekend, it'll be so dull. saturday Scottie and i are supposed to hang out, and sunday Marc and i were going to do something. no clue what, he's the man though, knowing him, probably some illegal strip joint or some shit. it's not like i'd really enjoy myself in such an enviroment; i'm straight edge, so yeah. no sex, drugs, nor alcohol for me. sometimes, and a lot lately, i've been fiending for a cigarette. a lot of stressing going on. but dude... would if this phone chic turn out to be the girl i've been waiting for? whatever, i'm not limiting myself to such. 'sides, i'd say we're friends, which means i'm still on the date market.

oh am i boring you guys? i bet. hm.. i sort of blew off some friends lately. whatever, i don't regret it. i hate liars. yeah... this song is cool too. ciao.

1 violent reaction

'clipse tomorrow, yay [28 Mar 2003|11:15pm]
i have this gut feeling that tomorrow will somehow be ruined. well, i'm supposed to get my eclipse, and i pray that all goes well. afterwards, there's no telling what will happen. all i know is tomorrow night sov. ind. is supposed to cruise main street. this will be a fairly short post. i'm gonna start dating i think, until i find someone i really like, and then i'll spend all of my time with her, and the rest working on my car. this note is going to be a bitch, mother fucker. ciao all.
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[28 Mar 2003|06:46am]
it's a dull day. i sold my car yesterday, and now i have no way to get to school. sucks big balls, because today i have 2 tests and a lab to do.
1 violent reaction

hey hey [26 Mar 2003|06:49am]
[ mood | bored ]

yesterday was a pretty amazing day. well, first off, Scottie's car stalled, but the problem was in the ignition which is fixed now. anyhow, after i trailed him home, we drove to downtown detroit, which was fun times. found a few drag strips, and other shit, including an abandoned 87 celica with a perfect engine; sweet. actually, i think was made yesterday fun was the fact that i was hanging out with my friend, something i have neglected for so long because i've been seeking alone time.

got sent home from work, so i went to chill at Scott's for a while. oh yeah, my car's sold... the dude is picking it up friday. also, i'm picking up my 'clipse saturday. pretty packed weekend.

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. i have nil to ramble on about. i'm in a good mood though, possibly because of this amazing band. oh, finch is going on tour... wonder if they'll play near here, I WANNA GO! or anywhere remotely close. i'd drive if anyone's up for it. call me, comment, or uh.. instant message me if i'm on aol about it. ciao.

3 violent reaction

blah [24 Mar 2003|11:38pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

what a fucking exhausting day of work. jesus christ; 4 trailers i loaded, each to the seal. did one alone, one with Greg, one with Kevin, and helped Justin out a bit. what's gay now is they actually make us dump our pockets before going in, and when coming out... probably some homosexual "anti-terrorist" thingy-ma-bob. they just started that since the war's been going on.

and i want to be selfish. i want to be selfish. you're my everything! well, if i actually had a girlfriend she would be my everything. yup, i'm still depressed about the while being single for the rest of my life issue. everyone's telling me to go out and fuck everything walking. well, been there and done that. it's no fun. can't find happiness that way, sorry, i'm a wussy now. too bad i'm not as hardcore as i used to be, huh? fucking flamers, anyone who intentionally hurt women for some sort of self/public image status should be shot in the face, and then have someone smash their boot down, applying pressure. same for girls who play games with guys' emotions. you should all die, and burn in hell. die in a big ball of fire. BURN!

i'm going to meet someone really special. watch, all my friends vacate me when they start dating, but it's cool. i just want you guys to be happy, so yeah. whatever. i'm gonna go do some sleeping soon. ciao.

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change of appearance: [23 Mar 2003|08:40am]
[ mood | geeky ]

dickies are uber sweet; i'm gonna stock up on them, both jeans and khaki. loose fit, i don't like tight pants.
more tight thrift store shirts, and those fun shirts with the cool/funny quotes on them. all skin tight.
and old school nikes. hah, i'll be a pimp!

ugh, as much as i hate to admit it, i have adapted to short hair, so guys, i'm not regrowing it. 'sides, i look cute this way, plus my hair doesn't make my beanies look all bubbly now. later kiddos, ciao.

3 violent reaction

un-fucking-titled... [22 Mar 2003|10:16pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

today has been very relaxing, yet depressing at the same time. i've wasted my entire day doing absolutely nil, and i've been listening to music that's been making me even more depressed, but i continued to do so because the emotional setting allows me to think oh-so clearly, and my punishment is lifted, but i do not wish to speak with anyone; i'm enjoying the alone time so much. started reflecting back on past relationships, and realized where we/i went wrong. those flaws are definately dead... i'd be the perfect guy for the right girl, i promise. no more bullshit, lies, and selfishness.

i met with an ex of mine, and all we did was talk. it was great, on a strictly friendship level. we both agree that we're different, and perhaps shouldn't do the dating thing with each other again. basically, the night started off at dinner, and we joked around a lot, and made fun of some arabic people present, and then we talked about our past, and decided what would be ideal for us. she actually gave me a push in a good direction. she told me to push toward what i want in life, and allow no one to set me back. she convinced me that there is a great girl out there for me, and that i should just be patient, and not try so hard. some things just happen spontaneously.

well, i so want to get my hopes up, because i am seriously supposed to be getting a 98 mitsubishi eclipse in a few weeks. we've been checking it out, and my mom has agreed to it, but you know, this world always seem to fuck me raw, but pray all works out... really, i mean it. i love this song. ciao.

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am i slowly turning hardcore? [20 Mar 2003|11:19pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

the title has nothing to do with this entry, go figure...

durring the day typically i'm fine. you can usually catch me on my lonely lately, reading, writing, or listening to my cd player, but i'm fine all by myself, doing my own thing, ya know? because then i don't really think about what it is i want, and what i is i need, what it is i desire most; a girlfriend, to fall for her, for her to fall for me. someone into the same types of music, and into cars, yeah! i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

so, after 4th period i'm supposed to be going to TGI fridays, and over Scottie's afterwards or whatever, and we're supposed to look at an eclipse for me, so let's see how things work out. plans will most likely be canceled, knowing him and all, but it's okay. not something i'm really pressed on, i'll just find someone else to go with and whatnot? Chris Boyd and i have gotten kind of cool. he's a really cool kid, and he drives a sweet ass infiniti. he's also putting together a race team and wanted me to join, but i declined. i'm sovereign industries for life, and even tho scottie and i hardly ever do anything nowadays, i'll never sell him out. he's my best buddy, so yeah.

i'm thinking about suiting up for my speech tomorrow, but i'm uncertain still. i didn't go to school today, and i was thinking about staying home tomorrow, but i have to go for this assignment. i didn't wanna tell anyone why i really missed today, and didn't want to stay monday, but what happened is, i got into it with Delicious fag again, so now, yeah, there's a bunch of kids trying to jump me or whatever? i'm not one to puss out of shit, i'm just sort of scared of what i'd do to them. i keep a knife on me at all times, and i swear if they tried anything i'd slash them open. hopefully Scottie doesn't read this, because then he'll get all pissed and go after them, while right now my deal is to avoid conflict. i got into two fightsthis week, and one dude almost decided to press charges. fuck you.

but eh... uh... hm... how about that war, eh? hahah Bush is an idiot, but seeing people die is always fun, right? ciao.

1 violent reaction

decisions i've made [18 Mar 2003|11:04am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

okay, so today durring 1st hour i just chilled in Scottie's bad ass celica. didn't go to class, just sat there, listening to some FATA, sweet band might i add, but yeah, three days of non stop thinking has helped a great deal with a few decisions i'm making.

1) i'm paranoid, things aren't working out... i'm a physical person, and no, i'm not expressing a need for sex. i'm thinking a real relationship would be not only just great conversation, but the ability to get out and experience things with your mate, and actually touch, and comfort when one's down... that's what i want, sorry. maybe we can try again as we reach adult-hood? don't hate me...

but while we're on the topic of adult-hood, i'm reaching a point in my life where i want to calm down a bit, and stop living so fastly. the recent events taking place in my life has brought me to see this. some day, it'd be cool to have a son, and a wife, not anytime soon, but maybe 10 years down the line? but i'm urged to find this perfect girl for my world. with an amazing smile that could part the clouds and allow the sun to shine through on us even on the rainiest of days. understanding of me, and tolerable of the idiocy i sometimes do. i'd hold her in my arms, and we'd just talk for days about absolutely nil, but to me that wouldn't matter, the joy would be in just having her with me.

over the past 2 days, i've been in two fights, which might i add, for a change weren't appealing to me. i'm standing trial for the first one, but i'm pretty confident. well, actually, i'm just trying my damnest not to worry so much. things are looking a bit better for me. i just filled out a shit load of applications for a second job. let's hope things go swell.

okay, so i came home after 1st hour ended, so today was a skip day for me. i'm getting over this damned cold. i know this entry upseted someone a great deal. well, sorry, sometimes things don't work out. but really, it wouldn't have worked out, because of the distance... we both know it. we're just kids, right? ciao. oh, hah, i never said anything. i got a tattoo sunday. it's a tribal scorpion on my right bicep. it's pretty. okay, now i'm outtie.

this song makes me sad.

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fucking novel [17 Mar 2003|02:11pm]
[ mood | worried ]

sometimes i just feel like i need a break from life. suddenly, my world just tilts downward, and it's all happening so fast at increasing and uncontrolling speeds. well, this is one of the entries you usually lock up for friends only, but i don't give a shit who knows of my pathetic existence.

so where shall we begin? for one, this place makes my so sick to my stomach. i don't understand how we ended up in this dump, Kenton, Oregon was so fucking nice. it's not like we don't have the fucking cash, i saw my mother's bank statement and the zeros there were so fucking lovely. she has cash in 4 banks, and that was just one. but anyways, that has nil to do with what i'm getting to. this post will probably be longer than nomal.

what i want to do is this, and i'm aware of the fact that i've repeatedly said it over and over and never went through with it. last night i cried, and thought hard, just fucking layed in bed thinking very hard to myself. all i did today as well, think. i'm still fairly imature, and it's time i grew up, as i am aging. it's time for my to wing myself from my parents' embrace, and looked after for myself. i'm praying to god that i don't do time because of my idiotic and uncontrollable temper, but hey, that's my problem, and my fuck up, must be a man and deal with the situation.

one thing i do know is this, i am definately seeking a second job. i'll began packing my items asap, because i am so gone from this house, this city, only staying in this state because my one true friend is here, and after today he's the only person i truly care about. i know that's sort of cold hearted, but he's struggling with issues i will remain disclosed, so i could never desert him. he's the only person who's looked out for me the way he does, listens, etc. well, shit's hitting the fan, and my life changes dramatically. i'm definately buying a new car for my birthday, i'm so in love with rice burners, even if i don't street race it, i'll do tracks and shows. another big thing i'm hoping to have done by august is having my own apartment somewhere. Scottie said i could probably get a really nice one in Livonia for like 490 monthly. fucking sweet.

i need to buy a journal, to keep track of my funds with, but i'm seriously not spending a dime. june 20, my b-day, early morning, i'm going to a dealership, or maybe private owner, depends, and buying me a bad ass talon or eclipse, ranging from a 95-97 model. that's my deal, oh yes.

the one thing i fear most is becoming a failure. honestly, i was debating dropping school and picking up a full time job for the mornings, and keeping ups for evening. i'd be racking in like 1000 bucks weekly, which is pretty sweet. i realize how much of a mistake i'd be making, and so i'm going to complete school. it sucks being on your own. i have no one to fall back on, i can only depend on myself. someone told me that once. only depend on yourself, because if you can't depend on yourself than you're in a bad shape. yeah. whatever... also, lastly. i've been hurt so much in the past, i don't think i can take it anymore. seriously, from today, all contact with anyone other than my "one" friend is cut off. i talked to my ex-girlfriend last night, and she was talking about how she hurt me, and all of my former relationships were crud and i was a mere toy. she made fun of me, ugh. i'm done... i'm paranoid maybe? whatever.

about today. that fucking faggot jew mother fucker pissed me off. he was all talking shit, fuck him tho. i have too much to worry about. by the way, in my journy to leather fists. that's 1 down, 499 to go. i'm gonna go lay down. work in a few hours, ciao.

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decisions, decisions... [16 Mar 2003|03:12am]
[ mood | determined ]

all day i've pretty much been laying my options on the table. well, let me start off by saying that i am extremely pissed about not getting my car, and there's a hand full of people i want to cut off contact with because of it. i've decided to take on a second job to work on weekends, so that'll add an extra 75 bucks or so to my pocket. i get 263 bucks monthly from a distant relative, and ups will be putting a minimum of 700 bucks into my pockets monthly. i know it's not much, but it is a start. my goal is to save up 4000 cash by my b-day, so that i can buy myself an eclipse or talon as a self-gift. that means absolutely no spending, and i will pull it off, promise.

anyways. today was Destiny's birthday, and she threw a party at cherry lanes bowling alley. barely got there, due to being grounded by my bitch mom, but i did get to go, i rode with my brother in his denali truck, fun. saw some faggy car club, and socialized with them about races and such for a bit, and then went inside to actually bown, and a 143!!! hahah i rock. haven't heard from scottie at all today, and i'm worried, because shit went down last night involving him, and i know how he gets when he's pissed. i'll call him tomorrow to make sure he's good. Lauren ho'd me as always, fuck him. Marcus is too occupied fucking multiple girls he meet, rather than to hang out. i'm not complaining, because tonight was fun times.

i spoke with Nazz. Nazz is the shit. yes, yes, it's true. Naz makes me laugh, and always knocks me out of shitty moods. i know i should've added this to the first paragraph, but it just came back to mind. a lot of you will actually worry, but i'm thinking of getting involved with some sort of illegal activity "temporarily" to help bring in the cash i need a lot faster. i'll just pull a few jobs, whatever.

i like this song. i like finch. i'm exhausted. i wish my current piece of shit car was actually driveable, so that i could enjoy the weather, but of course i fucked it up, and besides, i'm grounded, so what the fuck ever.

1 violent reaction

okay, here goes... [13 Mar 2003|11:58pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

there is no fucking day i go unprovoked. something's been bothering me oh-so long. mr delicious, your days are numbered buddy. there's no fucking way around this shit. anyhow, today was cool, despite the pests in school needed to be exterminated.

ugh, Skot got a fucking boot, which i had no problem paying to have removed. faggot mother fucking security guards. we were praying for an orange mark/scratch left behind after removal so that we could slam his face through the windshield. haha, i like resorting to violence sometimes; it makes me feel in control of most situations? anyways, i have to do my speech in speech class tomorrow on how to install a head unit, and i'm supposedly to dress in business attire for it, but obviously i'm not. i'm actually looking forward to that. i always favor my english classes over other subjects, and try to develope decent relationships with my english teachers.

after i got home me and Naz chatted about past relationships and such. know what? i'm an idiot, because i realize that Naz is one of the fucking coolest kids i have ever met, and i wish i would have like, not ignored him and such, and like, made cracks and shit at him in the past. in fact, i'm gonna make an effort to get to know him better. he made me feel good, because you know, i've been down about the whole being single thing for some time, and a lot of stuff we could relate to, so it was cool to have someone uh.. "in my shoes" i could say? to talk to.

nothing really big happened today. i went to work for an hour, came home, and slept. awoke to Skot's call. he's trying to convince me to get a crx, ugh. anyways. today i weighed myself, and it seems that i've put on 5 pounds, which sucks. i'm gonna like, not eat anymore now. seriously. i'm gonna eat better, and less, and work out way more than i used to. i've grown to like drawing and writing again. almost as much as i love cars. i like scanning through automotive magazines and reading various articles, and sketching sweet ass cars i run across. my hobbies calm me down a lot. when i focus on them, it's like i forget about the world around me. anyhow, i'm midnight. i'm gonna hit the sack. ciao.

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shit [12 Mar 2003|04:22pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i swear to god, i am going to fucking dent Delicious' skull with a bat. i am no longer joking, AT ALL. i'm at the fucking peaking of my anger.

now, on a cooler note. saturday the weather's supposed to be in the high 50s or something; really warm compared to what we've been getting, so why am i not happy? well, i should be actually, because by then i will definately have my talon, so i could go cruising right? nah, no fun. i wish a had a girlfriend to cruise with. that'd definately pump things up a bit. too bad i'm single and lonely. i have no one to chill with, and comfort me, or anyone i could comfort, or kiss. make me smile and happy when i'm down, and i could do for her alike. sorry i'm not cool enough. sorry i'm destined to be alone for life. i'm sick of complaining about it. i'm thinking i'm not trying hard enough? but i shouldn't have to try and impress someone. hell, i don't even know where to go and meet girls. i'm not interested in any of the girls in school. they're all ugly to me, but i'm not a shallow person at all actually, because like, looks doesn't really play a huge factor with me. i'm more of a personality type of guy, but a pretty face is always a plus. augh. i'm miserable. gotta work tonight. and yeah, i am gonna put myself out on the date market. whatever, i'll actually do an update worth something after work tonight.

2 violent reaction

true... umfortunately... [11 Mar 2003|08:51pm]
[ mood | intimidated ]


Psycho. You are overwhelmed by anger. You may even
hate the world and everything in it and you
believe revenge is the way of the world. An eye
for an eye.


How Emotional Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


well, if i harm Delicious fag, i'll be jumped by all of his friends. think i care? fuck no. if i'm jumped, i swear to god i'm picking them all off one by one. i used to love my life, why can't things go back to the way they were?

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no title [11 Mar 2003|05:56am]
[ mood | bored ]

so Scottie and i are gonna try for the michigan automotive academy next semester. let's see how things go. haha, my brakes fucking died yesterday, while i was on the 96 highway. scary shit, slamming the brakes and the pedal flooring with no result. that's all. i gotta run for now, gotta get dressed. i'm riding to school with Scott ciao.

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